baPractice the vote!

Let's face it- voting is not an easy thing to do.

Now you might be all cocky, like, "shut up asshole," but do you want to risk finding yourself drawing a blank behind the ballot on election day?

I have posted practice ballots at select locations around Starbuck House. Take one to train your muscle memory to ensure that this does not happen to you.

Rob's endorsements

I officially endorse the following candidates:

President:
Colleen
Alex
Kat

Vice president:
Justin
Nate

Treasurer:
George
Write-in

Secretary:
Rob Lourens

I speak in simple, literal terms.

YES YOU WILL!

Friends, disciples, worshippers, my name is Rob Lourens, and I would like to talk to you about my dream for Starbuck. Sbuck North, Sbuck South, I promise you A New Kind of Politics. I will reach past the elevators and work for idealistic bipartisan solutions that sound good on paper to the problems that every Sbucker faces, be they engineer or design student, North or South, corner room bourgeois or common suite-dwelling proletary.

Friends, let us not mince words; Rob Lourens' secretarial administration has been an unmitigated disaster. That's why I am running. Young and handsome, I will provide breath of fresh air from stodgy old Rob Lourens, an unhip SbucSec'y if ever one there was. The sad truth is that most of today's youth, namely freshman, have not even experienced life under a secretary other than Rob Lourens. This incumbent has overstayed his welcome.

I know that many Sbuckers are frustrated with their poor grades, lack of liquid capital and the difficulty of finding sweet internships. It's not suprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to Guitar Hero, alcohol, Facebook, or YouTube as a way to explain their frustrations. I can fix that. I can fix everything.

Faith that you can believe in the changes we hope for.

Well I can tell you one thing- Rob Lourens may think you're bitter, but I know you're not bitter. I was raised with Sbuckian values and an unshakable faith in Starbuck and its policies, and I understand as much as or more than anyone that Starbuck is a vibrant community full of happy, not bitter, usually well-intentioned folk.

I cannot offer you political experience, but did I mention how hip I was? Example - see my campaign poster? Most political candidates would be humiliated if pictures surfaced of them dressed as members of the opposite sex... old man Rob Lourens certainly would. But me and Rudy Guiliani are different. I feel that this picture says a lot about me... but not too much. I know how to party.

This newcomer Rob Lourens may make all kinds of fancy claims about being young and tolerant, but does he walk the walk? Recently, Rob Lourens violently destroyed a Rubik's cube because its "colors were wrong." How does Rob feel about your colors? I have served in this position for nearly nine months already. Have I ever wronged you? Yeah, that's what I thought. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Rob's secretariocracy has been a brutal and traumatic time in the history of Starbuck, but after this nine month period of labor, the ballot box will, with your vote, give birth to A New Kind Of Politician. But my umbilical cord is a tie to the constituency that I will never cut. Fans, followers, adherents, the bottom line is that I, Rob Lourens, will represent your interests.

Replace the incumbent! Re-elect the incumbent!

PS

I'm running for secretary.